The Feeling of Being
by SofiaCalista
Summary: ... Nothing in this world is permanent except for change. And maybe even death. Which will she be after? Changed? Or dead?


**I hope you'll enjoy the first chapter.**

Chapter 1 – Reaped

It's the Reaping Day.

All of the people in the district hated this day, but for an insanely weird reason, Madge Undersee didn't as much as the others did. Not because she loved watching the Hunger Games. She hated it. She hated almost everything about it with every ounce of her being but not the Reaping.

It was not because she was assured her name won't be called out, she wasn't. Even the Mayor's daughter was not exempted from that fate. She was in the same boat like everyone else. Sure she had fewer than those who lived in the Seam but still her name was in the bowl along with most of the children in District 12.

It's because this day, she stood with her peers, in their pretty dresses and presentable clothings that the government required them to wear, as equals. No, maybe not equals in the statistical sense. She had only six slips in that bowl, same as most town kids. And compared with the seam kids who signed up for tesseraes every year, her slips were a small number. She was just like everybody else. Dreading, praying, and hoping while standing, corralled in the town square waiting for the very colourful Effie Trinket fish out a name and announced the unlucky sacrifice for the slaughter. It could be her. It could be anyone in this sea of fair and dark heads in the heart of their district.

Equals or, better yet, united in some sort of way.

Every Reaping Day, Madge Undersee would don her best dress and make herself look presentable unlike her drabby schoolgirl self. She would sit with her father for breakfast and her mother would join them. It was one of the only occasions her frail mother would make an effort to join them. Then she would kiss her and give her daughter a token from her long dead sister. Madge treasures it and after surviving the reaping she would give it back to her mom for safe keeping. And she was sure this type of scenario in different variations would be repeated in all the houses in District 12. In Town or in the Seam, even in most of Panem, families come together and neighbours exchange good lucks. Even some store owners got sentimental and gave buyers more than what they paid for. Or pay traders more for their strawberries.

Some even send food to the chosen tributes family after the reaping especially if they're from the seam, not out of pity but out of compassion. The food might not ease their sorrow, at least it will ease their hunger which most of the district knows about. Hunger that most of Panem knows about.

Madge loved that sense of unity, in her insanely weird perspective, during the Reaping Day. She wanted everyday to be like this but she knows that most of the district can't afford to think like that. They had to survive each day as it is and her daydreaming about unity and what it meant to the Capitol seemed a delusional fantasy of a privileged girl.

Until Katniss Everdeen volunteered to take her sister's place in the dreaded Hunger Games.

She watched as her only friend bravely stood in front of her sister repeating the words that seemed foreign to her ear but knew perfectly well what it meant. Katniss tried to extract herself from Primrose Everdeen's grip telling the crying young girl to let go. Madge was about to help Katniss with the task when someone scooped up Prim and gave Katniss a gentle push. So she just stood there helplessly, gripping the token her mother pinned on her pretty white dress this morning, as her friend was escorted to the stage.

"Katniss Everdeen," she said in a detached voice when Effie Trinket asked her her name. While Effie bet her buttons up in the stage, I look back at Katniss' sister who's now in her mother's arms still crying. Behind them the people were shaking their heads as they watched Katniss on stage. She noticed that while there was respect in their eyes, there were also something else. They knew Katniss, the hunter, the survivor and the devoted sister. Her gripped on the token tighten.

So when they were asked to applaud the tribute who volunteered for her sister, the woman in wig got the silent treatment.

Then her eyes were caught by a pair of grey ones. It wasn't glaring at her anymore. Had he eaten his words now? Statistically the odds were in her favour but more so in Prim's but she got reaped. Now, someone they both care about was going to the games and possibly never come back. Was he wishing it was her? He always seemed to find ways to blame her for everything bad that happened so wishing that wasn't far off. She wanted to glare back at him, however, that's all too petty now.

She nodded as an acknowledgement and he did the same. At the same time, they put three fingers in their lips and as she turned to the stage she hold it out to bravest girl she had ever known.

It was a sign of admiration, gratitude and goodbye, a fitting gesture for the young woman on stage. It wasn't only her or him. After they had held their three fingers out for their friend, one by one the citizens of District 12 did the same. She saw Katniss' face, her lips trembled and she thought she's going to cry but fortunately before she did, Haymitch Abernathy happened.

The lone living victor of District 12 taunted the Capitol then took a drunken dive off the stage. Though, Madge didn't think the latter was on purpose.

Oh the fun they had in District 12. She bet no other victors can top what theirs just did.

Haymitch was picked up and dragged off to somewhere he can sober up a bit. Then on stage Effie was announcing the boy tribute. Madge can see Katniss' reaction to the name and knew right then that this games would be even more different than it already is.

Effie Trinket herded the two tributes inside the Justice Building. After the massive doors were shut, she could hear a collective sigh of relief among the corralled citizens. They had escaped the dreaded games for another year.

She released her pin that she had been gripping since Katniss volunteered and rushed to the building. She saw the Everdeens going inside Katniss' room for their final goodbye. Madge also saw the baker, the boy tribute's father, standing outside the room. She was about to approached him when she heard a voice behind her.

"Guess the number of entries didn't really matter," she turned around and he continued, "Pretty dress." He looked defeated and frustrated at the same time. He was trying too hard to hide his emotions. She stared at him, searching for that grouchy boy who told her about her odds. How much it's been in her favour.

"Is that an apology, Gale Hawthorne?" she asked.

"Actually it's a compliment but whatever floats your boat," he said, walking passed her then stopped when he noticed the baker, "What is he doing here?"

"I was about to asked when you appeared behind me," Madge told him as she turned to follow him. Then he stopped and she bumped on his back but he didn't move again. Is he in shock? She had read about those. How grief and sudden unpleasant news can get someone in a catatonic state.

"What's wrong?" she said and was surprised when he turned around abruptly and she saw tears in his eyes. Madge was sure those tears weren't allowed to fall.

"Nothing Undersee," and proceed to lean against the wall, arms folded, eyes closed. He looked like a kid there. She mentally kicked herself, of course he looked like a kid because he's a kid. Sometimes people can forget that, with his height and his demeanour he still is a kid who was forced to grow up too soon. Him and Katniss. Unlike her.

Madge gripped her pin again.

They saw the Everdeens walked out of the room and the baker walked in. Prim and her mother was ushered the other way, to the exit so we didn't get to talk to them.

"It's weird to see Mr. Mellark here," she thought out loud, "Why would he want to talk to Peeta's competitor?"

"Because he had inhaled too much flour it clogged his common sense," Gale said, dryly, "Katniss is difficult to intimidate if that's what he's trying to do."

"I don't think that is what he's trying to do," she said, shaking her head, she still doesn't even know what she'll tell Katniss.

They fell into an uncomfortable silence. She didn't mind. She can't think of her own comfort when someone she knows will enter the games and had a better chance of not coming back than winning. But she's strong and she's a survivor. She's been breaking capitol rules for a long time.

Of course.

As soon as she saw the baker come out of the room, she run to it before Gale got there first or try to stop her. She didn't care.

She still didn't know what to say but she knew what she's going to do.

**A/N: Thoughts? I would love to hear from you. **


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